Not sure why she used that term.

Here's the deal,

About 3-1/2 month's ago we found out my Dad has in-operable prostate cancer. He is only 62 and was given about 2 years to live. This is, of course, totally unexpected.

Some history of my Dad. My extended family (uncles, cousins, etc.) were into racing sprints, midgets, stock cars, dune buggies, boats, just about anything that had an engine. My Dad raced motorcross for years. He is the reason I have a first gen Camaro and he is also why I went to school to become an engineer. He wasn't an engineer but he was always tinkering with his cars. We had several cool cars while I was growing up, including a 65 Chevelle and a 62 Vette.

Anyway, back to the story. Dad bought a '57 Chevy about a year and a half ago. His plan was to enjoy it by driving it and taking it to the local shows. We thought he may take it on the power tour one year. In fact, Dad was suppose to join me on this year's power tour before he wound up in the hospital.

He is feeling a little better now and just finished his radiation therapy. He has about 3 months until he has to go back to the doctors. I was planning on going out to visit him in October since I was going to be in Odessa on business. I live in the Dallas area and he lives in El Paso. It's about 650 miles from Dallas to El Paso so it's not an easy trip to take. Odessa is a little more than halfway there.

Dad was hoping I would be there when the "Run to Ruidoso" car show was taking place. He wanted to take his '57 up to Ruidoso (about a 2-1/2 hour drove from El Paso) to show it and look at the other cars there. This car show was featured on My Classic Car TV this past year and is well attended.

Turns out the Ruidoso car show is a few weeks earlier than my business trip to Odessa. Since the timing wasn't right, I thought, what the heck, I'll just take some time off and drive out there early so we could go to this show. I have only taken three days vacation this year, and could use the time off anyway (I get 15 days a year). Then I thought, it might be cool to trailer my Camaro to El Paso and then we could show his '57 and my '68 together. This would most likely be the only time we will ever be able to do this. I have a friend with a 26' enclosed trailer and he has agreed to let me borrow it. I drive a 3/4 ton diesel pickup so I would have no trouble towing this load. I have towed many trailers over the year and am very experienced driving with them. In fact I have towed this exact trailer before.

I told my wife I wanted to do this and she said I was being "bold". Now, I love my wife (we have been happily married for over 14 years...dated for 4 years before that) and respect her opinion but I just don't think she realizes what this would mean to both my Dad and me. She has no problem with me doing it but the comment just rubbed me the wrong way. The thing that brought out the "bold" comment was trailering my Camaro to El Paso. She thinks this is too "bold".

I wanted her to go too but with my 9 year old daughter in school, she didn't think it was fair to her to leave her in Dallas while we go out to Ruidoso. I understand it and would love to have my daughter go to, but school is most important right now.

I also want to take my four year old son with me but have yet to discuss it with her. I am not sure how she will react to that with the "bold" statement. I was only 5 when I lost my Grandfather (my Dad's Dad) and don't remember too much about him. I thought this would be a memory for my son that he would be sure to never forget.

Am I being "bold" by wanting to do this? She thinks I should just drive to El Paso and go with Dad up to Ruidoso in his '57. She supports me in whatever I decide to do, but I am just checking that I am not too far out there with this idea.

Any thoughts on this?

O.K Here's my opinion. It seems to me that your wife didn't use the word "bold" in a derogatory manner. It sounds like she is insinuating that you are using improprer behavoir or bad manners. By this I mean with the circumstances of your fathers health, its about HIS car and HIS show. Taking your Camaro takes away from the meaning of this. I'm just saying what it sounds like she is trying to convey, I could be wrong. If you go with him and his car, its just another great oppurtunity to spend more time with HIM. It might be a great memory for your son as well. Reading the beginning of your post, it seems like getting to show his car means a lot to him. Take your time and think it through.

Rick

Do it Kel!! Take your car and do the show father and son style. As for the kids, don't fight the wife if she doesn't want you to take the younger one with you. The only way I can percive the "being too bold" comment is that your wife fears you are doing something that is calling attention to your dads condition. My guess is she feels it could cause your dad mental pain and be a reminder he won't be around much longer.

It's a common practice to act like things are fine when the situation is terminal. Guys your dads age has lived most their lives in a world where men rarely profess their love for each other and hold in things that are hard to discuss. It's what men did for teh most part... There's a lot they want to say but don't and your gesture (IMO) could be the "I understand" your dad needs to make his remaining time peaceful.

I say do it but I'll also say clairfy your wifes meaning. Then talk with your dad and see how he feels about you coming and going to the show together. If he's up for it, don't tell him about bringing your car and just show up with it!!

Be strong Kel, the future is going to get tough for your father and your entire family, charish every minute you can and set the example as often as you can. God Bless!!

I agree partly with RSS. Although your wife says it is bold to take your car with your dads, why not just talk it over with your father then ask him what he thought of you taking your car. You have thought out the arrangements, and are thinking of the family too. I think he won't mind at all. Sharing on the occasion will not take away from spending time with your Dad and attending an event to his liking.

i lost my dad 18 months ago due to agressive small cell lung cancer. it took less than a month to learn of his illness and then his passing. i would give anything to have him back. take your car, take his car, take your son. park the cars side by side so they can both be photographed and then have the three generations in the photo also. take lots of pictures. it may be your last chance for such an opportunity. don't miss it at any cost. cancer is not predictable no matter what the best doctors say. this will be a memory your son holds dear for the rest of his life. cruise the blvds. like a couple of teenagers side by side with your son riding shotgun with grandpa, he will feel ten feet tall. don't risk looking back at a missed chance like this. live and live large with your dad while you can, because after he is gone you will have enough regrets for the things you didn't do and things you didn't say. this comes from experience and i only lived ten minutes away from my dad. just do it!!! have your wife read this. my sympathies go out to you and your family.

I can't give any advice here. But I can say my
Dad passed away with cancer when he was only 51. I miss him SO MUCH. I can barely type this without tears in my eyes. I would give a LOT to have just one more day with him. That funny laugh he had while hunching up his shoulders. Watching him REALLY concentrate on something like soldering a connection. Man.

Family advice...no way.
But, I lost my dad at 52 shortly after he was diagnosed with cancer. I wish I had known time was that short. Spend all the time you can doing the things you both enjoy.

I really see what Rick is saying, He got his post in when I was typing or I would have acknowledged him for his post in my first reply.

Gals are real aware of "the right thing", an example, a wedding is the brides day and the reception would not be a good place for the best man to announce his engagument or for the brides sister to announce she is with child. It might be the perfect setting with all the friends and family there but it would be steeling the moment from the bride on her big day!

Even though I fully understand the sentiment, I am not sure a father would feel hurt because his son stole his day by bringing his car to the show. I think Rick is giving Kel some great insite as to what his wife was trying to say.

Just do it. You're only going to have one Dad in this lifetime, wives don't always last forever. Just ask my first one, or my second one, or my third one....... graemlins/angry.gif Seriously Kel, I would do as the others suggest and talk to your Dad first, and get his thoughts, then do whatever you think is best. Your wife probably didn't mean anything by that "bold" comment, and I'm sure she'll come around to the idea. Alot of the time, it's just the fact that you are going to be away doing "guy" things that bothers them, my "current" wife gets to be that way also, but she always comes around in the end.

Thanks Dennis,

Just want Kel to understand also that I thought driving in seperate cars 2.5 hours to the show and 2.5 hours back would be tacky if all three can spend time together in dads 57'. Run269 mentioned three generations and lots of pictures and I think that would be great.

Rick

Kel, Lost mine 5 years ago to the same disease...ask him what he thinks, take the young son and trailer the car to reorancho cordoba (wherever it is redface.gif ) and have a super great time with your Dad! Take pictures! Tell him you love him and that you're glad HE'S your father! Good luck!

Dano graemlins/beers.gif

I lost my Mom to cancer 2 years ago. I say go for it, take the family even if it means missing a little school. See if you can take homework with you or whatever it takes. Load the car in the trailer and hit the road. Make the most of it and enjoy your fathers company (let him enjoy the grandkids). Let him drive your car, cruise with him in his, etc... The picture suggestion above is a great idea. You think a 650 mile trip is long, you just wait until he's gone (hopefully that won't be for a long time), I would drive 6000 miles starting right now if I knew I could see my Mom again. Whatever you are doing in your personal life right now, can take a back seat for a little while (work included, you have the rest of your life to work). This is precious time that you can/will not get back. Cancer is very nasty and almost impossible to predict, my Moms spread very fast in a matter of 2 months she was gone.

You don't know how much this might mean to him. You don't want to wonder "what if" or "I should have". Just do it and make the most of it. You won't regret it, you can rest assured.

Women look at things and think differently than men, I am not saying your wife meant anything major by her comment. Maybe she just thinks you're bold (brave, crazy) to tow a trailer with your car in it that far for such a short event. Call it bold (or whatever), just go for it. I do not think you will be taking away from your Dads car at all, I bet he would enjoy it more than we can imagine. Put yourself in his shoes, would you want your son (and grandkids) to show up? I know I would, most Dads don't try to compete with their kids, they want to see their kids do better than they have/could.

In the end, you know your father better than any of us on this forum (and better than your wife), you decide what is best (for you and him) and go for it.

Kel,

I just came back from visiting my Dad who is dying of small cell cancer right now and only has a short time to live, so I understand what you are feeling to some degree. I went with my brother and we left the girls at home for this trip so that the boys could spend time with their dad. The trip was awesome and its still hard to think about it knowing that he has very little time left. I am just about to witness my own sons birth and that keeps me close to home (800 miles from my parents) while my dad is fading with each week.

Its incredibly tough knowing a loved one is ill with cancer whether it is terminal or not. I suggest you make this trip with your dad and use this time to further cement your own bond. That should be a great time for both of you to show your cars together. Then plan a later trip when you can take your son and perhaps your wife as well. While its cool to have your son there, it might be better to have him along on another trip.

Maybe thats how your wife feels about it. I would not make much of the "Bold" comment and would instead sit down and have a nice chat with her asking how she feels about things and why. In either case, this is a great time for you to spend time with your dad and I pray that all things work out for you and for your fathers health.

Cheers!

Rick,

You were right on with the Wife's thinking. She thought it would be taking away from Dad's day.

I guess I was thinking by bringing my car, I would be acknowledging to my Dad that his legacy lives on in me (and his Grandson). Everything about my car and what it represents came from my upbringing by him.

Royce was correct in my thinking that Dad would get much joy out of seeing his son carrying on what he taught. It is just like me when I see my son crawl under one of his riding toys to "work on it" while I am working on the Camaro. Or like coming home to find his little battery powered car recharging and discovering the little guy figured it how to do it on his own and didn't tell anyone what he was doing (this at 2 years old!). It made me proud to see my son doing these things.

I am going to call Dad and tell him I am coming. I'll ask him if he wants to do the two car showing or if he would rather let's all go in one. I will let him decide.

As far as my son going, I spoke to the wife and she is cool with it. She said she will be a little sad since this is the most time her son will have ever been away from her, but she agrees it would be a good experience for him and something he will remember.

Go have a good time with your father. Take your son along as a mental(crying) pillow. All of you won't regret it.

Bold? When your Dad is gone, he is gone!! Talk to him, do whatever he wants to do! He is reaching out to you so reach back. I would quit my job at the drop of a hat, cash in my retirement and live off of it, and spend the rest of the time with my Dad if I knew he had a short time left here. What an honor that he wants to spend it with you!

I love my Dad and any thing I did for him could never make up for what he's done for me. Ever.

Go for It, Dude. graemlins/thumbsup.gif

ditto , do it. Take your wife too, her dad might see the effort she is putting forward for your dad and he rightfully can think she will do the same for her dad.

So sorry to hear about your Dad.
Y'know, when my wife says something I don't quite understand..I ask her what she meant by that, then we're clear. Maybe a discussion will follow, maybe not, but at least I'm sure of what she meant, whether I agree or not.
But here's the thing...its YOUR Dad...and your children's Grandfather. Just my opinion, but take BOTH the kids...and your wife too, if she wants to go. See, there's 12 YEARS of regular school, and yes school IS important, but family is much more so. How many days will she miss anyway? She'll make it up! But you'll never make up a missed opportunity to share some precious time with Grandpa.
As far as taking your car, pass. Devote this time to helping your Dad with his car...detailing, etc, and involve the kids too. Its probably his last shot at this...you'll have other shows. Make it all about him and you'll never regret it, I promise!
Again, just my opinion.

Well said Steve W.

Kel,
Both of my parents are gone, just a little advice...you will only get this opertunity to spend this time with your dad once, I sure hope your wife can understand this. If not perhaps later she will understand when it becomes her time with her parents.
God Bless you and your final decision

Dad says to bring the car. He is really fired up about it.

I'll let you know how it worked out.

Thanks for all the feedback. Lot's of good opinions. I want to especially thank those that responded who have already lost a parent. God Bless.

remember kel that not only are you creating memories for you and your kids by going, but you are also creating memories for your dad. he will be very proud knowing that he has had such a positive impact on your life and your sons life, and when it finally comes his time he will be content and happy that he has done his best and done well in raising such a fine family. who could ask for more?

it's not how much money you have when you pass on but how many people loved you during your life. i'm sure that he would rather be worn to a frazzle with your visit and fussing over both your cars than to miss out on such a perfect father-son-grandson opportunity.

they say laughter is the best medicine, be sure to tell him about your son working on his tractor because he saw you working on your car just like you saw your father working on his car when you were young. tie it all together so he sees the relationship and how he has impacted the lives of generations to come. i'm sure the pearly gates will fling open with a bang and the trumpets will blare loudly when your dad gets there...because he was a good man and left such a positive mark on this world.

i will be bold and say this, we here at TC have never met your father but he has left a positive mark on many of us, and i for one will try a little harder now to pass on to my son my love for the things my father loved and passed on to me.

all of us who have lost loved ones share your pain, we are all a little closer now because of your father. enjoy the time you have left with him, because many of us didn't have that chance. my father was undergoing chemo, he was given 8-10 weeks if the chemo didn't kill him. he never left the hospital....i didn't even get to say goodbye.

be sure you tell him how proud you are to be his son.

I won't be showing my car but I do plan to attend the show. I went last year and forgot my camera and wouldn't you know it, I met Dennis Gage (host of My Classic Car) and got to chat with him a little. Really nice guy! Perhaps I will get the chance to meet you and your father!!

Originally posted by kausboy:
I won't be showing my car but I do plan to attend the show. I went last year and forgot my camera and wouldn't you know it, I met Dennis Gage (host of My Classic Car) and got to chat with him a little. Really nice guy! Perhaps I will get the chance to meet you and your father!! Sure,

If you see a Turquoise '57 with a big block and a Grotto Blue '68 SS Camaro, stop by and say hi.

I had a new development today though. Dad use to play a lot of golf. Since he has been in the hospital, he has had to give it up. However, one of his former golfing buddies came by last night and said one of the guys from the foursome that use to always play behind Dad, asked him last Sunday if Dad wanted to sell his '57.

Dad bought the car to drive and show but ultimately, he knew he wouldn't lose any money on the thing so it was an investment. The stock market wasn't too hot at the time so it seemed like a good idea. Now this fellow offered $35k for the car. Dad paid about $17k so it would be really hard for him to pass this up. Don't know yet if this guy was really serious or not. This guys playing partner recently paid $30k for a '57 and has put another $5k into it so he thought he would offer $35k.

Dad really wants to make sure my stepmom is taken care of financially. He also has a '56 olds super 88 that he plays around with and said he has his eye on a '55 chevy bel air that he could pick up for $5k.

So, if he sells the car, I am not sure what we will be doing or even if we will still be going up there. I don't know if he would still want to go to Ruidoso or not. I should know more by Monday but I went ahead and made the hotel reservations and such. I'm holding off sending the apps in until I hear more on Monday.

Originally posted by Run269:
my father was undergoing chemo, he was given 8-10 weeks if the chemo didn't kill him. he never left the hospital....i didn't even get to say goodbye.

be sure you tell him how proud you are to be his son. I sure will. Sorry for your loss.

Kel:

Meeting you and your family when I came out to Texas was great. Your great people and hope to see you again sometime in the future. I remember seeing your 68 coming together and could tell how "into" it you were. You have a very nice Camaro and I remember talking about it allot while I was there. After reading what you said about your father it is great to know a son has built such a nice car because of his fathers inspiration. I am sorry to hear your father is sick, if he sells his 57 or not I would still go to El Paso. If the 57 sells ask him if he still wants to go to the show and take your Camaro, after all you would have never had the car if it were not for his passion that he passed on to you.

Pictures, video and memories of yourself, family and Camaro together will mean allot to you if you loose him. Share with him the passion that he has given you; tell him why you have that Camaro.

Joe

Lost my Dad to cancer 13 years ago. My BEST advice since you asked is to go, enjoy your time with your father. Taking your son would be the ultimate family memory. Even if it's just you and your father remember: If you go you'll never regret it. If you don't go you'll always regret it.