Humpday Humor, 2/6 ... Poof!!!
A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet.
When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. "I'd love an ice-cold beer right now," he told the genie.
Poof! A beer appeared. Next the man said, "I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women."
Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him. Oh, man this is the life, the guy thought. "I wish I never had to work again."
And poof!...He was back at his desk inthe government office!
A man died and went to The Judgment, they told him , “Before you meet with God, I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life,
and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad.We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?” The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who wasbeing harassed by a group of thugs.
So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring piercedthrough his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!”
“Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?” “About three minutes ago,” came the reply.
After 45 years at the company and ready to retire, the boss walked into the office on his last day of work.
He didn't noticehis zipper was down and his fly area wide open.
His long-time assistant walked up to him and said, “This morning when you left your house,did you close your garage door?”
The boss said he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
Later, as he checked himself in the office mirror before his final lunch in the company cafeteria, he noticed his fly was open, so he zipped it up.
Then he understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out,paused by her desk, smiled, and asked, “When my garage door was open, did you see my stretch limo parked in there?”
“No,” she said,“I didn't. All I saw was a rusty Olds with two flat tires.”
A Physician was speaking about the dangers of certain foods to a large group in Florida.
He told them,"You have to be aware of hidden dangers. Hydrogenated fats are killers.
Soda pop melts your tooth enamel and eats away your stomach lining. Most prepared foods are high in sugar, salt, and MSG.
Even our drinking water can be harmful if not pure enough.
"But there's one food that's the most dangerous of all. Can anybody tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering even years after consuming it?"
The audience was silent until an older man in the second row spoke up and said, "Wedding Cake?"
I went for a job interview and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who I sresponsible."
"Well I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible."
The Wishing Well
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too
But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while, but then smiled and said, "Cool! It really works"!
Give a man a rescued dog for the health of both their souls. May 2017 ROTM Winner - Thank you!
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CUBS - 2016 World Series Champions - maybe this year, 2019 ...