Humpday Humor, 3/3 ... Texting At 70 Plus Others
Texting at 70
An older couple had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones.
The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon, the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message, and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back toher: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks:
“Well? Are you still coughing?”
The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”
Grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.
First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked:
"Please Granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself."
Granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore.
I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."
One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in themornings?”
Bill replies:“Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”
Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stingingin my eye.
Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. It’s seven years in a row now.
Wife calls her mother: "Today I fought so much with my husband.
I am coming to live with you again."
Mother: "No, he should pay for his mistake." "I am coming to live with you."
Wife: “It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, Darling."
"How do you think we should celebrate?”
Husband: “With a minute of silence.”
I made a beginner’s mistake and went shopping on an empty stomach.
I am now the happy owner of Aisle 7.
"Darling, do you think I’ve gotten too fat?"
"Worry not my dear. Every good steak has some proper lard."
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.
Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice ayear.
What’s a good demonstration of the difference between a man and a woman?
The two meanings of the sentence: “What an azz!”
Give a man a rescued dog for the health of both their souls. May 2017 ROTM Winner - Thank you!
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CUBS - 2016 World Series Champions - maybe this year, 2019 ...