Humpday humor, 6/19 ... Stuff
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So, shall we cross?-
The other shakes his head: "No way, look at what happened to the zebra."
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
"Oh no, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks!
You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.
“You are so kind, funny and beautiful.”
“Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.”
“And smart, too!”
I’m certain there are female hormones in beer.
When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.
Q: Is Google a he or a she?
A: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave.
The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.
I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”
He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”
Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80.
Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.
Doctor: See, I told you to live healthier!
One state official to the other: "I don't know what people have against us - We haven't done anything."
Google request: How to disable autocorrect in wife?
Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up.
Give a man a rescued dog for the health of both their souls. May 2017 ROTM Winner - Thank you!
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CUBS - 2016 World Series Champions - maybe this year, 2019 ...