Humpday Humor, 12/4 ... More Mish Mash - Team Camaro Tech
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 3rd, 19, 06:04 PM Thread Starter
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Cool Humpday Humor, 12/4 ... More Mish Mash

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Did you hear about the italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!
Parallel lines have so much in common. Itís a shame theyíll never meet.
My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think itís a scream?
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". John came fifth and won a toaster.

Tongue Twisters

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?

Denise sees the fleece,
Denise sees the fleas.
At least Denise could sneeze and feed and freeze the fleas.

Sheena leads, Sheila needs.

The thirty-three thieves thought they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.

Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although,
theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh the thirty year old thug thought of this morning.

Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?

Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.

Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.

Clean clams crammed in clean cans.

Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.

I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

Stupid superstition!

There was a fisherman named Fisher who fished for some fish in a fissure.

Till a fish with a grin, pulled the fisherman in.

Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,

From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock, a short, sharp shock, a big black block!

To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison, and awaiting the sensation from a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut-Butter, 'tis the peanut-butter picky people pick.

If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?

Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.

There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.

Santa's Short Suit Shrunk

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses

One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.

Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards

Gobbling gargoyles' gobbled gobbling goblins.

Pirates Private Property

When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.

A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!

Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.

Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.

How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies?
A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground?
A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.

How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.

How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood?
If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck?
Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would,
if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.

Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary M

Give a man a rescued dog for the health of both their souls. May 2017 ROTM Winner - Thank you!
'
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 4th, 19, 04:20 AM
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Brian
 
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Location: Laurel, In
Posts: 4,920
Re: Humpday Humor, 12/4 ... More Mish Mash

I'm feeling illiterate, now. I can't even read those tongue twisters correctly.

Experience...... It's what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 4th, 19, 07:47 AM
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Jim
 
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Posts: 15,981
Re: Humpday Humor, 12/4 ... More Mish Mash

Loud GROAN great ones Ev

Click..is Jim..former owner of a 69RS-LM1 350/255 - 700r
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished,
That will be the beginning." Louis L'Amour
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