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Humpday Humor, 5/27 ... One Liners#6

975 views 2 replies 3 participants last post by  adjudimo 
#1 ·
Q: Why did the Coronavirus cross the street?
A: To help seniors get to the other side

Q: Why shouldn't white people go swimming?
A: Crackers get soggy when wet.

Q: What monster plays the best April Fool's jokes?
A: Prankenstein

It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's *** popping out.
The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's butt."
The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's butt."
Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."

Q: What is taken before you get it?
A: Your picture.

Q: What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
A: Sneakers.

Q: Where do library books like to sleep?
A: Under their covers!

I’m surprised the Corona virus started in China
I thought it would have started in Mexico.

Q: What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?
A: A full set of teeth!

A ventriloquist working down south, is confronted by a theater patron during his show.
The hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE!
You been making smart-*** remarks about us ******** being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!"
"Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"
"Shut up, Buddy," the hick replied, "I'm talking to the little bastard sitting on your knee!"

You might be a ******* if...
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.

Q: What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
A: Shut the door, I'm dressing!

Q: Why did the old lady fall into the well?
A: She didn't see that well.

Jokes are like the people.
Not everybody likes the dark ones.

Q: What magazine do cats like to read?
A: Good Mousekeeping.

After Hugh Hefner passed, Playboy management decided to introduce a new magazine
for men who are married. Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.

Actual Product Instructions
ON A HAIRDRYER: *Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS: *You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: *Directions: Use like regular soap.
FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION: *Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX: *Fits one head.
ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESSERT: *Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: *Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: *Do not Iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE: *Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID): *Warning: May cause drowsiness.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: *Warning: Keep out of children.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: *For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: *Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS: *Warning: contains nuts
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: *Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: *Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
 
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