[JimM]

So after dinner today, Carol says "I gotta talk to you."
Then she tells me that my mother (who lives with us) told her that her bottle of vicodin was gone. She then pulled an empty prescription bottle out of her pocket and told me she searched Jake's room and found it.

The cops left with him a lil while ago. He will be charged with theft, and the state's attorney will most likely make it a felony because he took a controlled substance.

He has stolen from us before, many times. He's gone in my wife's purse on payday and stolen my allowance. The last time he was told that if he ever steals from us again he was out.

His comment; "I didn't steal it from you, I stole it from Grandma"

I hope he rots in jail.
I hope we did the right thing.
I hope I feel better soon.

 

[Everett#2390]

You did the right thing. Son is reaching out for help. You & Carol, as parents, did the correct thing to help son.

Some things cannot be done by Mom & Dad, we do need outside help to help them.

You yourself, as protector & guardian of your home, seeked help. You are looking for your well being and protection for your home and its people inside.

You've done nothing wrong in your eyes. You did what you had to do in the name of love for your son. You'll be thanking yourself & Carol for doing this. Someday, you & #1 son will have a talk and settle this out, only when he can understand.

My thoughts are with you.

In the meantime, give us your anger, let go here. Better here than elsewhere. We are listening.

 

[pa69cam]

Jim, I dont know how old the boy is,but maybe this is what he needs to get directed back on to the right road. It might be a tough lesson learned but a problem with prescription drugs doesn't just go away, hopefully he'll get the help he needs. I think you did the right thing.

 

[Nuggettt]

Could be the best kind of rehab! Just takes balls to do it.

 

[ZZ_430]

Jim, you did the right thing, no matter how painful it is.

I have experience in this area myself.

 

[mbmmca]

Wish my ex had done the same thing a few weeks ago, except my kid was busted for swiping jello at a concession stand. The ex called me to come get him, I told him they should have called the police. I know it isn't the same, but I do feel for you. You did the right thing.

 

[Uncle Tupelo]

No question you did the right thing. Tough as it may be, boundries must be, and he needs them to be, enforced.

 

[Camaro Dave]

Sorry to hear that Jim. You did the right thing though. Your son has a problem and it is only going to get worse, unless he gets help. It's better to deal with it now then later. Your son will thank you for it later on.

 

[67 Plum]

Jim you did the right thing as painful as it is.Stick to your guns it will be best in the long run.

 

[keypilot]

i agree with all of the above. is it possible he took them to sell. not much better but a little.
i hope it never happens to me, but if it does, i hope i man enough to do what you did.

 

[Guest174]

back in the day, when i was the ripe old age of 17, i had a few altercations with the law. on my last trip to the "tombs" in manhattan (county jail), i was real cocky with the cops 'cause i just knew the old man would bail me out again. when i called home and informed my old man of my situation, his response was an earth shattering, "hell no, not this time" and then that awful "click" of the phone hanging up!
in time i sat with my dad and he described what he went through that night. he knew the only way to get through to me was show me "tough love"......it worked. jim you did the right thing for the right reasons. our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!

 

[z28doug]

I hope he rots in jail.
I hope we did the right thing.
I hope I feel better soon.

Jim,
Hang in there. I see anger, then a continued concern for your son and your decision, then concern for yourself. Lots of emotion going on in what apparently has been a long term problem. You followed through with what you told him. He will respect you more for that than he would if you caved in and allowed it to continue. You also have others living with you to consider.
You might want to tell him you still love him and hope he gets some help but you just can't put up with being treated disrespectfully any longer.
Sometimes people will do what they can get away with.......
I hope things smooth out for you soon,
Doug

 

[SweetFA]

There is a lot good good men here.You did the right thing and time will prove it..

 

[radial72]

You did the right thing. I've read your posts, and felt sympathy, concern and honestly a great deal of anger at the way you've been treated. And I don't even know you.

I wish I could tell you this was the end of your problems... It won't be, but just maybe it'll be the start of a solution. Make sure mom and grandma are on board and I think you might have a chance at some relief.

Stay strong.

 

[bil1024]

Hang in there! You did what was right

 

[SixtyAte]

Jim,
As you know, I am going through the same thing here with my 18 YOS and the problem is the wife and my in-laws are blind. He has been out of school since 16, and sleeps all day and parties all night. Has worked a total of 60 hours in two years and never contributes to the house in any way. I do the trash etc and he tells me to f&^& Off when I ask him to do anything. My wife gives him $40.00 a week spending money and for gas ( he has a car and no job) and pays his car insurance, fines, speeding tickets etc. My inlaws pay for his cell phone ( $100.00 average ) a month now for 4 years and get him a new phone every six months. He was looking for something in the shed last saturday and just started yelling and throwing stuff around. My grandsons new bike whick I paid $100.00 for, My large Craftsman Battery charger, My small Honda generator and many other things. He then threw them back in. I told him to leave and he was not going to be let back in the house. I have had him arrested before and he is now on probation for assault after beating some guy up. I said I will the cops , he left after putting a dent in my truch. My wife calls and tells me to let him in because he needs to change and get ready to go out to a party. I said no..and would have him arrested if he comes back today. My mother in law call and tells me that Brandon neesd to get in and I better let him in or she is comming over..phew, so not to get things escalating I say no and hang up. Ten minuites later , my farther in law calls and said let him in, I told him my son was throwing stuff around and dented my truck and if he didn't get off my property I would have him arrested. My FIL said, all you do is say "I'm going to call the cops" and I beter let him in. I called the cops and my son did not come back home until the wife let him in. He does this because he can get away with it. I am a Police Constable, have a high priority job and carry weapons all the time. (They are always locked up when I am home.) He knows the extent of trouble I can get in by saying I assaulted him or threatened him with a weapon so the game goes on. I am ready to turn him in after he stole computer parts and took a bottle of my pain killers (Oxicodone 30 pills) because he a tooth extracted and was in pain. I think he will be going away this weekend if he acts up. I will stay calm and have cops here quietly. Jim, all we can do is our best and the rest is in our kids hands. We dealt them a good hand and they choose to treat us like the joker. We are better than we are treated and deserve better. I can say I was raised in the 50s-60s and know what a beating is and respected my parents afterwards. I blame the government and the laws which prevent child dicipline, which they call child abuse. What about parent abuse? Gee...no law against that is there?

Kev

 

[Buck]

Jim, I feel your pain. If he is 18, I might ask the courts to order him to rehab if you can have a say on the place. There are good rehab places out there that not only address the drug issue but provide relationship counseling for the entire family. I'm sure at a minimum he will get probation and will have to be drug tested. Maybe have that as a component of the probation if he comes back positive for drugs. Whatever you do, make sure you and Carol are on the same page. Nothing worse than having son #1 seeing that he can divide and conquer one of you.

Jim, what ever you do, I'm sure it will be the right thing because it is based on your love for him. Taking the tough love route, as you have, is down right hard. It may just be the right thing to save your son in the long run...

My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

Call me if you need to talk!!!

 

[Buck]

Kevin, The first thing that needs to happen is to get the family on one page!!! Easier said that done... He currently know he can get way with whatever he wants by going to Mom or the in-laws... Tough situation. :sad:

Jim,
As you know, I am going through the same thing here with my 18 YOS and the problem is the wife and my in-laws are blind.
....

I guess I have another family to add to my prayers!!!

 

[JimM]

Thanks for the support, guys...
#1 son has been a topic here several times over the past few years, and I value your comments, they help me deal with things, put thing in prospective, and learn from other's experiences.

We have tried a lot of different things with him over the past 5 years, different schools, jobs, counciling, you name it. He seems to simply have a gap in his thinking process. He is both completely selfish, thinking only of himself and his own perceived needs at any given time, but he is also completely blind to the consequences of his actions. He MUST of known that when this theft was discovered the **** would seriously hit the fan, yet he took them anyway, and sponsored a big party with his low-life friends. He most likely gave them all away, may have sold some, certainly enjoyed a few himself, we may never know exactly.

His grandmother is near 70, and suffers from both chronic back pain and serious arthritus. She is prescribed a lot of pain medication, and the amnounts are VERY strictly controlled. She will run out now, 2 weeks before she can get a refill, and will spend those 2 weeks un ungodly pain, unab;le to get out of bed or move around, just laying there and suffering.

His 18th birthday was January 19th. This time, we will not be getting a call demanding the since he is a minor, we must come bail him out.

He's recently been talking about joining the military. It seems that he has been trying to repeat my life, only "better" and the military was good for me. It saddens me a lot that this arrest will probably mean the end of that prospect, yet, he's done nothing to make that prospect a reality, and probably never would actually follow thru.

Regardless, we won't be bailing him out, and he will never live in my home again.

 

[Blade]

Jim yes u did the right thing. Look at this way now he will get help. Give it time u will feel that way too. Just give it time. U son will see that u and ur wife were only helping him. good luck!