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U.S. Retirement Choices - Where To Live

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.




You can Live in Texas where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

Yo u can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's m y coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"




Or You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and ca rs.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.



Or You can Live in UTAH where



1. You can water ski, snow ski or go hiking or biking on the same day, so long as it Isn’t Sunday

2. 10% of your income goes to the church, if not, you’re out

3. You have 17 recipes that use Green Jello, and all your neighbors have tasted them

4. You call the potatoes that are made in a Casserole with cheese and sour Cream Funeral Potatoes, and everyone knows what you are talking about.

5. Theres a church on every corner, and they are all the same “flavor”

6. You have to be careful in differentiating first and second and third wives… not because of death or divorce,, but because there might be more than one living in the same house at the same time with the same husband.

7. You know what Fry sauce is, and get upset because they don’t have it at McDonalds.

8. You think it is illegal to drink coffee until you are 20 years old…
 

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Funny!!! :D
 

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"He needed killin' " is a valid defense. I just about wet myself on that one! By the way, the California one is right on the money. I know because I live there!:yes:
 

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"You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center."

My favorite of them all!!!
 

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You can't end a question with a preposition after?
No. You can't say, "Where is the beer at?" You have to say, "Where is the beer at, butthead?" See how that's different....:D
 

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OOHHH! Now I see . . . thanks for the education. You guys from CA are so smart. I think it's because you pay so much more for property values!
 

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OOHHH! Now I see . . . thanks for the education. You guys from CA are so smart. I think it's because you pay so much more for property values!
Don't forget, we also pay a boat load for gas and electricity, so we must be SUPER smart!....... or not......:cool:
 
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